I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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