Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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