Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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