i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
