I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
