I want to stick my p in your. b.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I think I just shit out all my problems.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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