is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
