There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
