I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
