made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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