here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
