***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
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