it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
