somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
it was like having sex with a tree stump
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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