You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
