so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
