I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
