you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
