you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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