Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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