Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
