do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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