I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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