So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
