it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
