Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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