I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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