No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
