Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
