why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Do vagina's smell?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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