Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
