i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
