how can u be prego again
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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