when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
