a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
