we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
