there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
