I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
