we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
