i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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