at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
