Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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