Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
