Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
