she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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