I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
