he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
