Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
