I CAN MOONWALK!
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
