all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
This is my gift to your gina
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
