Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
