hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
