the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
