sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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