i already hear my dad disowning me
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
True strength comes from lack of pants
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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