Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I cut my penus on the lid.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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