I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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