**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
