Cold hands, warm shart.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
