Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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